Returning to the Source

It’s been quiet on the blog front here as I delve into my own studies, self reflection and practice here in Mysore, India, the source of Ashtanga yoga. Returning here to be under the quiet gaze of my teacher Sharath Jois, to throw myself into the challenges that the practice here poses for my body, mind and heart, to be just a student is so important. My ability to teach and share will always be fueled by my ability to be a student here., a student everywhere.

I may still post in this blog during the period, but as is custom for me when I am in Mysore, I will be updating my first blog, and chronicling practice at the source in Realizing Mysore — http://realizingmysore.blogspot.in, where it has been a pleasure to share my adventures in Mysore since 2010. One month down, one month to go!

A New Year Begins

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There’s nothing like spending Christmas in the Philippines. I have enjoyed it immensely! It’s incredibly beautiful and festive and heart-warming. There’s a lot of everything: church-going, eating, parties, gift-giving, more eating. Really, merry making in over drive, if there ever was one.

The spirit of giving, taken to its extremes, however, can be tiring, no matter how nourished the heart is from all the loving exchanges between friends and family. Often, daily practice suffers. Late nights, late meals and get togethers keep one from getting a full, deep, regular practice going during this time of year.

I have tried in the past to forego festivities for practice. And have managed to be in India on several occassions, enjoying not being drawn away from the regularity of my sadhana. But something is lost in this, too. When we sacrifice our relationships, for practice, we miss the point in having a balanced human life. Our sadhana has to also extend to the greater field of our lives, there must be space and time to be with our people.

Coming home this year, I have been easier than other years, allowing myself to be pulled away from the steadiness of a regular routine in order to be with family and friends, which is my main purpose of being here.

Now it’s January 1 and Christmas and New Year’s Eve festivities are behind us. And the question that comes up for me is: how do I now replenish myself after this period where so much energy and time has been beautifully directed towards those I love. How do I now, at the start of year, return to the daily act of loving myself, refilling my personal stores so that I may continue to teach and to be loving towards all my relations?

What better way is there to recommit to ourselves than getting on the mat, returning to our sadhana, the space in which we are closest to who we are, where we are most real, where we are most vulnerable, where we are closest to Source, not just the source of ourselves but the source of Everything?

If you’ve been pulled away from practice during this time, don’t stress. It’s ok. Instead, just get back on the mat, return to the breath, remember who you are by giving time, once again, to yourself.

Perhaps this is as steady as life gets, being pulled away from our center, and then, with effort, coming back. Perhaps, for us Householders, this vacillation between the two, the world outside and the world within, is as close as we get to the Middle Path.

If you’re in Manila and you feel like you could use some support getting back into the swing of your personal practice, I’ll be teaching in Surya Fitness and Yoga for one week only, between January 4-9, 6:30-9am. This is the purpose of this teaching period: to help people ground back into practice, which then helps us grow and expand in our lives. It’s not an easy time to get people back on the mat, but I think it’s a crucial time where we can set the positive intention of yoga and bring it to life in practice.

Feel free to join our FB Event Page for more information:
https://www.facebook.com/events/199794560354285/

Homecoming, Teaching in Manila

 

 

In a week I will be teaching here in Manila for the first time since my authorization by my teacher in India. I’m excited to be offering something here at last. To be honest, though, until recently, I was also a little nervous because, after all, coming home has a different weight and texture–in a similar way that returning to the US where I grew up, teaching in San Francisco during this year challenged some old ideas, for example, the little voice that asked deep inside my head: was I good enough to hold a space like Mysore SF, had I been gone too long from America to be able to relate? Since my time of teaching regularly in the Philippines, Manila and Boracay (where I used to live and teach) has become a popular port for visiting teachers, some of whom are senior teachers with a lifetime of experience. It rattles the ego some.

What I’ve learned along the way, however, is it’s not about my years of experience, nor is it about my level of practice, it’s not about the past years of travel and teaching in different countries–though all are fairly substantial factors (says the ego, once again).

The hard truth is it’s not about me at all. Being able to teach, here or anywhere, is about honoring this practice. It’s about having the humility to get out of the way so this intrinsically intelligent system can do what it is designed to do. It’s about supporting the bodies, the wills, the hearts of those who engage in this practice, who also put their trust in it. It’s about breathing, speaking, moving and acting not through my own wants or needs, but through the lineage, through the parampara. 

This connection between us and our teacher is alive and potent. For years, I have been listening to Sharath Jois speak on this topic during conference in India, believing that I understood it. And to a point, I did.

The last year, however, has been a great lesson in surrendering to the lineage: practicing in Mysore, India at the start of the year injured, assisting Sharath (upon his recommendation that it would be strengthen my back), assisting Magnolia Zuniga–one of the strongest female teachers I’ve encountered so far–and learning from her and sharing in a space like Mysore SF, where parampara is practically tangible. I have had to let go of so much to find that I am now, ironically, more myself…

I don’t feel anxious now.  I feel relieved that I don’t need to “perform” or “expect.” The word that comes to mind, instead, is “trust.”

I trust that this practice will do, through me, what it needs to do. I trust that it works, even when it feels awkward. I trust that the more I let go of my ideas of what it is to be an ashtanga teacher, the more I will be able to teach with authenticity and integrity. I trust that the students that need to come and study will come. I trust that it’s going to be a good week of seriously real, full-hearted, and honest practice.

Root, Seed & Grow. If you are in the Philippines, I will be teaching a week of Traditional Ashtanga Yoga between Monday, January 4 and Saturday, January 9, 2016, 6:30-9am. Surya Fitness and Yoga is located on the 4th Floor, Medicard Lifestyle Center Bldg., 51 Paseo de Roxas, Corner, Sen. Gil J. Puyat Ave, Makati. 

Join our Facebook Event Page for more details: https://www.facebook.com/events/199794560354285/ 

The Infinite Room

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Morning breaks through the windows the last Sunday that I have come in to open Mysore SF. There are no students yet. The sun’s glow is diffused by white curtains. The room feels soft, somewhat malleable.

I have gotten to know this space well over the last seven and a half months I have been here. As a teacher, I have observed if from the first moments of the morning, when it is still dark, the heaters have just started to warm the room, it is a little like a womb, and the room feels like a space where the world asleep and the world awake meets.  I see one mat, then two. I see how the room ignites, how the first round of surya namaskara is like a match being struck against the rough edge of a match box. How the students who come in one by one, or two by two, between 5:45 to 6:15 are like kindling to a flame. By 7am, it is warm and toasty. By 7:30, it’s a proper fire, we are cooking in here. Come 8am, the whole room is aglow. By 8:30, the remaining practitioners have the feel of glowing embers.

The room is an oven, sometimes it is a furnace. It is a kitchen and a laboratory. On other days, or for another person, it is something else. It can be an arena for heroes battling their multiple-headed demons. It can be a safe room or a therapist’s office. Other times it is a temple or solitary confinement. It can be a heaven, a purgatory, a hell. It is a stage where countless scenes are played, replayed, and eventually deconstructed.

It is a road, which, at first, might seem like a short road that goes nowhere, but eventually becomes a long journey which seems to have no end–sometimes it goes somewhere while other times it feels like it goes nowhere once again, and that either way is ok because what matters is that you’re walking the road, nothing else.

And then there are days it’s just a sweaty room full of sweaty people and you wonder why you are there at all. And then there are days where it’s still this weird sweaty room but you kind of just love it.

For every person everyday is different.

A Mysore space is not an ordinary room. It is a field of infinite possibilities.

I will miss this particular Mysore room, the room itself, yes, but also the energy of it, the countless stories that unfold here, the stories of courage, raw grit, the personal battles, the moments–some so small, they could go undetected–of incredible vulnerability, those precious breaks where something shifts. Of course, this happens in all Mysore rooms where real practice and teaching is happening. But for me, Mysore SF is where I have been lucky enough to live it these months; to have a home in such a space is a gift. 

Life goes on in this infinite room. For Holiday schedules: http://www.mysoresf.com. As for me, I head to the Philippines soon and will be teaching there January 4-9, 2016 at Surya in Makati, Manila before making my way to India in February. 

 

 

Mysore Sunday, Final Session

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So much of my most precious interactions happen on a rubber mat with students while teaching in a Mysore space. Where else do you get to meet someone in this way, slowly over time, whilst they quietly cook in the juices of their own humanity, turning over with each deliberate breath and movement the fluctuations of the mind and heart.

It’s like getting to know someone without any context other than what plays out in the half-hour, hour, hour and forty-five minutes that one practices. Story-telling is minimized, so is the drama. The body is so intelligent. The practice is so precise. I love meeting in this way. It is so raw and real… and honest.

As a mysore teacher, the challenge is to meet as honestly as well. To cut out the superfluous, the desire to people please, the need to teach, so that the practice can do it’s thing. I often have to remind myself that the best thing that I can do is to get out of the way. The opposite is also true, when it arrises; it’s important to recognize when it’s a good time to get involved, when support is necessary.

Meeting in this way, in mysore-style classes, it is looking into a mirror and seeing who you are at that one moment. Sometimes, what I see is glorious. Other times, I see that I am one hot mess. All of it is ok and also, none of it matters. By meeting, we submit to an alchemical process, a world of change.

It has been incredibly special to lead the Mysore Sunday classes here in Mysore SF twice a month. Please come to class, I love to meet with you. I will also continue to assist Magnolia Zuniga in Mysore SF until December 10, 2015 before heading back to Asia to prepare to study with my own teacher in Mysore, India.

Shine On: Happy Diwali!

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Be Light. Happy Diwali!

Today is one of my favorite festivals in India. Well, except, when I am, actually in India–then it’s a little harrowing, very loud, and driving a scooter across town is akin to traveling across war zones as one needs to weave deftly around pockets of merry-making firework-obsessed celebrants making noise and explosions very few meters from each other.

Diwali is the Festival of Lights. It is a reminder than even in the darkness of the new moon today, that each of us is an oil lamp, that we each have a role of lighting each other’s path.

It has been an amazing period of time for me here in San Francisco. Amazing for all of the gifts, but likewise so were all the challenges. Being stationary for the last 7 months has given me a chance to really sit with myself and stand in my own life–and it was at the darkest stages where I saw the most light. That is the relationship between light and dark, the great common sense between the duality of it.

I am grateful to all those night lights, bright and shiny human beings, who I feel incredibly blessed to know. I also know that in these exchanges, I have been the same, a little light that has helps in the dark.

I like to think that at some point, I should be able to see my own light all the time. Perhaps when that happens, the path disappears and there isn’t anywhere else to go. Until then, let’s tend those oil lamps, celebrating not just the lights all around us, but that deep internal glow that never gets extinguished. Shine on, everyone!

Happy New Moon, as well as Diwali, no class at Mysore SF today. Take rest. See everyone back on the mat on Thursday. 

Share The Love Sunday

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#TeachForSitaRam
Mysore Sunday
November 8, 8-10am

This Mysrore Sunday, I will be teaching class for the benefit of a young man from Mysore named Sita Ram who has suffered an unfortunate accident with an exploding mobile phone. He will never completely recover from his injuries, but money raised through this class will help him as he adapts to a new way of life.

There are so many causes, so much tragedy in the world, you might ask, what makes this different or special? My answer is “not much,” suffering is pretty universal. We all have to roll with the punches and get on with it–that work, ultimately, it’s a solitary one, but it helps to know that we aren’t alone.

Our yoga practice calls us to cultivate one-pointed attention, it asks us to stop being distracted, to draw our energy inwards. How many times has our drishti (point of focus) drifted, and somehow, sometimes by someone, we are reminded to mind our own business?! We so often look beyond because we’re so afraid of looking close.

Over the last few months, I have been focused on self-love. Being one so used to giving energy away, this came with certain challenges. It is tough work reconciling that some things are meant for us and other things aren’t, it is harder to recognize that we are not just enough the way we are, but really ample and full.

These days, I feel incredibly blessed and grateful. Having taken time to nourish myself, I feel my cup very, very full—and it is in such instances that it feels most right to share our energy and blessings with others who may be in greater need of love and attention.  If you would like to join me, class is at 8-10am on Sunday. All with established ashtanga practices are welcome.

You are welcome to make a donation even if you don’t make it to class. Contact me for details kaz.castillo@gmail.com. Thank you.

Into the Horizon

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We do not always know where we are going and we certainly don’t know where we’ll end up, but we look out anyway into the horizon, our eyes trying to make out that fine line between the knowable world and that which is totally uncertain. The meeting of the two can inspire so many feelings: anxiety, sorrow, trepidation, joy, excitement…

We want to know if swimming into the ocean of life, hitting against its backwater, navigating its swells, we want to know that it’s worth it, that there’s going to be something on the other side.

In our practice and with life, we are told not to reach so much, that our task is to simply be in the present moment. And, still, we can’t help but to look out beyond the now, often wanting to quantify the great unknown. We want to know that practice, that doing our thing, that living our lives will be worth it–in the end. So fixated at the big what next, we often fail to see what is before us: a whole ocean of life, teeming with possibility, and that there is actually enough mystery here to keep us busy. There is just so much, so much to explore, to learn, so much depth to dive into, to experience.

I often pray these days that I simply enjoy all that is in front of me, that I enjoy practice for what it is, not what it can be, that I savor living life for the sake of simply living it, to recognize its vast greatness, rather than overlooking it.

PHOTO: Mural in Mission District, San Francisco. Teaching at Mysore SF throughout November. http://www.mysoresf.com

One with World and Practice

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Sunset at Fort Bragg’s coastline in Mendocino, California.

How many times have we looked out into the great big world, taking in one of those breathtaking views, and are awed by all that we are not? We are inspired, our imagination stirred, we are humbled, but these feelings also put us in different places–us and the world.

What would it be like to look out at the greatness that is and see a reflection of ourselves? What would it be like if we saw sameness instead of separation? If we looked out and instead of noting difference, we say: “wow, I’m a part of that,” or “that’s me, too!”

What if we looked at everything, big and small, every person we meet, no matter what the circumstance, every interaction we have in the same manner? Imagine how different life might be.

In the microcosm, this is a challenge we meet in daily practice–at least, I know I do. There’s me and then there’s the room and the people in the room. There’s my practice, and then the practice of others and my idea of an ideal practice. How many times does our drishti (point of focus) slide and we take in through our periphery some excellent (or sometimes, less than excellent) posturing and we compare ourselves to another?

There was a time when I looked upon these thoughts with a great deal of shame; I wanted  to be above it all, thinking that would make me a good yoga practitioner.

When these thoughts come up nowadays, I find more humor in them and more gratefulness for them. For the function of practice is to tease these reflections of the ego up to the surface where they can be seen in the full light of day–that they come up is not a problem but a part of a solution. As we observe them, they come up less and less and they subtly loose their power.

More and more, I have different kinds of moments when I’m teaching  or when I am practicing. Sometimes, I perceive someone who may be dissimilar in practice, body type, everything, and still I think: yup, that’s me! Maybe the current me, or 7-years-ago me, or the me I might be in a few years, but that’s me, that’s my experience also, that’s my challenge, that’s my strongpoint too, that’s my fear–and in these incredibly precious moments, I see sameness, I feel compassion.

There are other times when I see someone doing just the most impossible, gravity-defying, beautiful thing, which I cannot even imagine getting close to, and I feel beyond envy this great sense of incalculable possibility. I am inspired by our shared potentiality, though it will, no doubt, express itself differently for me.

And then, there’s the practice, which is so very personal. Yet, over time, it starts to feel quite impersonal also. Especially in a mysore space, there’s the practice that I feel is mine, (my mat, my body, my motions) and then there’s the practice that is ours, that is shared in the room, and beyond that, a practice that is shared by a global community that is still connected from teacher to student, teacher to student, all the way back to Mysore, India, the way it has been since the beginning. Then there’s the practice that is shared by everyone, which is life…

I know this looking at unity instead of difference is hard to sustain, so conditioned are we to compare or to see our own smallness.

But the photo above had me thinking about this man looking at the sunset. I imagine his awe at the scene before him, the sun setting into the Pacific coloring the Northern Californian coastline. I wonder, is he thinking: “wow, that’s a sight” or “aren’t we just amazing!” From where I’m sitting, I am also in awe and he is as much a part of the magnificent landscape, his presence completes the scene–and I am also a part of it, even though, from where I’m sitting, I might not see it.

Everything Changes: Story of Broken Glass

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Handful of change. Fort Bragg’s Glass Beach in Mendocino, California.

A week and a half ago, for the last moon day (a new moon, no less!) I was at Fort Bragg’s Glass Beach, pictured above. Here it glitters all golden as the afternoon sun reflects against glass pebbles of all hues, clear, white, green, amber, some blues. The beach was once a dumping ground for trash. It has long since been cleaned up, but what remains is this incredible beach of stunning sea glass, shards of glass bottles broken and rounded by water and waves.

There’s no stopping change. This is actually a good thing. Because all of that terrible stuff, the events that we might freak out about, the things we think are such a waste, they transform too. What may seem like a loss, a tragedy, a mistake turns out to be a gift of immeasurable worth and beauty.

In my own life, I suffer the most in the moments where I have resisted change. I create so much tension in my emotions and in my body. And everything has this “stuck” feeling.

Eventually, I get tired, so tired that I relax enough to see that time, nature, the “nature” of nature, which is change, is moving in the same direction that I really want to go in anyway, only usually better, a lot better. How ironic it is that the thing which challenges us, that recognition of our own impermanence, is also what gives birth to so much possibility. And life is simply a journey in which we learn to trust in that.